Finding Superman


Like any little girl who may play dress up in her innocent childish manner or the more mature version of that child who dreams that the cool guy in school is more than a handsome face, thoughts of weddings have entered my mind – and specifically what my own will someday be like and more importantly, who the man will be waiting at the end of the aisle.
 
Many of the young ladies whom I have become friends with have written posts in which they pour out their hearts  over desires and questions about someday being in a relationship that, let’s be honest, most of us don’t even fully understand yet. These are some of the most honest posts that have felt like heart-to-hearts that we all relate too. To my knowledge, there is not one blogger on my dashboard that hasn’t written a post on this subject. Every one of us girls would probably be lying if we were to say that we haven’t thought about the man who will someday capture our heart – even those of us who were not constantly feeding our boy-crazy minds with posters or magazine covers featuring the newest all-boy band would have to admit to daydreams. With our head in the clouds, I think we sometimes forget that though we have our criteria down to a science, guys too, have a “list” – and though we will want him to respect us among other things, Prince Charming is human not a figment of our imagination.

Let's just be honest: Who among us hasn’t sighed over the literary heroes of our girlhood? I’d wager we all have. Doesn’t matter what his name is, or what era he might hail from we have each picked out a favorite – none of whom are “real.” All of these men mentally fed those starry-eyed ideals – and perhaps formed the purview of Mr. Right. Recently I read an author’s bio that suggested she’d kissed about fourteen boys but none of them turned out to be a prince. Reading it struck me as quite cynical and I wondered to myself how this would read to any of the thousands of young people about to devour her novel. It seemed such a dim, unhealthy view of love. Though on reflection, it is important for even the least romantic of us to understand that Mr. Right isn’t going to be that hero from our favorite novels. Perhaps the biggest offender of how society sullies marriage is American pop culture.
Hollywood is not kind to the sanctity of marriage but not long ago a film produced by a secular company appeared on the box-office screen that challenged that. It was The Vow. In it, a man proved his loyalty to his wife despite the fact that the couple had been through a terrible car wreck in which his beloved wife lost her memories of their life together. Channing Tatum’s portrayal of a broken man was quite good­­ – I found his inability to let go, to fight for his wife endearing and as Leo, he proved that sometimes, love is a choice. Then there is the American music industry as a fount of promise when it comes to “forever” love. One such reference is in a song called, “Superman.” Its lyrics play off of the invincible Clark Kent’s alter-ego as the female voice promises to “stand by” him and await his return even as he “flies away.” Her pledge to her Superman is one of promise and waiting for his return.
 
Uncharacteristically, this lyrical message is one that can be applied to reality as a reminder of how we should treat a relationship. Judicial law gives all couples the option of walking away whether it is through divorce after marriage or heartbreak from being in a committed relationship, there is rarely accountability. Shouldn’t we fight harder – want more than just moments or a few years of happiness in a relationship? Gaining a “boyfriend” for the sake of appearance is more detrimental than “waiting” for the man who will cherish you for who you are, not because society demands we bend to the pressures of being ½ of something. Though the song may be nothing more than a feel-good tune, it is a reminder of loyalty and love being a choice.

Remember that though you may have a “list,” expectations that demand respect, realize that he isn’t Superman. He may be Mr. Right but he is human. His expectations of you will necessitate equal respect. When we come to understand that respect and love go hand-in-hand, only then will that love be perfect. ❤
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Rissi
10 Comments

10 comments:

  1. It's probably a good thing that most of my fictional crushes aren't real people, because none of them would make very good husbands! For every Colonel Brandon, there's a Lex Luthor lurking in the wings.

    Another something we have to remember when searching for "the one" is... he has a list too. It's not just about us finding "the one," it's also about us BEING "the one" -- being all that God wants us to be, being someone who will bring out the best in HIM, just as he should bring out the best in us.

    Good post. =)

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    1. Gosh, never thought of that (RE: Your first paragraph), Charity. Although Colonel Brandon... he's fantastic. He could appear on the scene anytime. ;)

      Yes! That is exactly what this post is saying. We can get so caught up in thinking all about what we as women are looking for and forget that he has expectations also. You've put it very well. Thank you. :)

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  2. Such a great post! God is slowly having me see this. I always had my future guy planned out to the T but now when I have met this guy he may not be in my future, but God has slowly opened up my eyes not to look for someone who is the perfect prince. Thanks for the post!

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    1. Thank you for reading, Hadassah. Some of the plans we do have are challenged but we should always remember that He holds us in the palm of His hand - and that is the best security blanket there is. :)

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  3. Who is the artist for the "Superman" song?

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  4. Wow, excellent post Rissi. You've said it well. The older I've gotten, as I've watched dear friends get married and seemingly "have it all", I find myself a curious mix of feelings. On one hand I'm quite envious, even when I know that their lives are far from perfect. On the other hand, I truly can say I'm not desperately wishing to be married. This life that God has planned for me, I KNOW He knows what He's doing and where I need to go. Why would I ever want to circumvent that? Of course I wouldn't. Not one of us would. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if God has this special guy out there in the wings, just waiting for his moment to come on the stage of my life, then believe me, I'll be ecstatic! :D But if He doesn't, suppose that marriage isn't what God has planned, then I want to be ecstatic in that also!

    Goodness, that was lengthy! I think I'd better stop now. But does that make sense? If not, just accept that I totally agree with you. :)

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    1. Hey, there, Kara! So glad you stopped by. :)

      Know EXACTLY what you are saying. Well said!

      On the other hand, I truly can say I'm not desperately wishing to be married.

      This has been my mantra. Back when this blog began, a post was published that talked about the age of girl's who marry young. There were several homeschool girls I "knew" who married right out of high school and not having anything to go on save for observations, it almost seemed like that was what their world revolved around: Meeting and marrying the guy who showed an interest. If you find the right guy young, there's nothing wrong with that (so long as its centered) but when it becomes an obsession that's when it's desperation.

      This time is life should be about us making sure we are as ready as we can be to be the right girl for the man we someday marry. A marriage needs two people committed to work and most importantly, two people committed to God.

      Well said, Kara!

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  5. Great post, Rissi! Love this so much! This so something we always need reminding of and something I've thought alot about over the past year...I think I even blogged about it earlier last year. I'm pretty honest on my blog about wanting to get married someday and that some days in the "now" are harder than others, I also do believe that living fully in "today" is so important and it is the only way to really be happy. Still mulling that "Part Two" to my big blog post from last month around in my head! :0 And referring to your commenting above with Kara:

    If you find the right guy young, there's nothing wrong with that (so long as its centered) but when it becomes an obsession that's when it's desperation.

    LOVE this! So totally agree! Too many young girls have so many fairy-tale ideals about getting married and think that the first guy is going to be the right guy. As nice as that would be, it's most often not likely. And I can say that without malice or judgement, because I used to be exactly one of those girls! I thought I had this special "word from God" that said the first guy who showed an interest would be "the one." Now, several guys down the line...I pity my past silly self and pray that girls will grasp more of a realistic view of marriage. Being in a serious relationship is very hard and it's NOT all chocolate, roses and hand-holding under the stars. Oh gosh, no. And marriage will only be SO many times harder.

    Girl, keep calling us back to reality! I'm a hopeless believer in fairy-tales and as great a dose of reality as I've had over the past few years, I still need reminding as much as the next girl! That's what I love about honest bloggers like you - you keep reminding us that singles is good, singleness is a blessing and singleness is something to be loved and embraced and totally lived up! Keep it up, gral! Totally sitting here clapping this post on! :)

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    1. This comment is wonderful, Kellie. Thanks for sharing it.

      Agree about relationships/marriage being hard. When I "date," I plan on doing it in way challenges the norm - look at the statistics: 50% of marriages fail. What a sad thing! The old way isn't working so is there harm in doing something different? In not following society's rules of dating? I don't think so. God has specific writing's about marriage but they've been overruled in pursuit of being only "happy" (even if its just for a short period of time) and letting go when things get tough.

      As women, we do tend to be more emotional and starry-eyed. It's easy to sympathize and relate to all of our dreams of someday marrying but if we're not careful there is a "danger" in that if we become obsessed over the "idea" of a marriage (or even just having a wedding) rather than the reality of what it will take to make it work. There will be plenty of idyllic moments, of course but it will take work. Ditto your closing paragraph and this:

      "Being in a serious relationship is very hard and it's NOT all chocolate, roses and hand-holding under the stars. Oh gosh, no. And marriage will only be SO many times harder."

      Fairy-tales are on of my biggest guilty pleasures also! There is such a romantic connotation with them - they're infectious. :)

      Thank you for reading and offering up your thoughts, girl! Appreciate it! Means a lot. ❤

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